Oct 29, 2013

My Favorite (Little) Things

Some days, let's be honest, are just really crappy.  I get little sleep, Avery was up a ton during the night, my clothes don't fit right, it's a busy day at work, I get cut off in traffic....you know the drill.  I'm not saying I have a bad life.  I'm just saying that sometimes, I just encounter some really bad days.

On those days, it's helpful to focus on things that make me happy.  Yes, my husband and my child make me happy (almost) always, but sometimes, it's the little things in a day that really lift my spirits.  So....

These are a few of my favorite things (don't even pretend like you didn't sing that like Maria Von Trapp):

1.  Fun socks.  How can you have a bad day when you're wearing fun socks?  It's like a secret that only you know about.  I was sporting these beauties the other day:

I'm a former ballerina (I wish I still did ballet) and this gives me a little bit of nostalgia and makes me feel a little more graceful that day.

2.  Magazines.  Specifically, home decor magazines.  Shout outs to Country Living, Real Simple and Better Homes and Gardens.


My absolute faaaaaavorite magazine right now??  HGTV.  I'm thoroughly obsessed.


3.  When I worked at the Disney Store, my favorite thing to buy was Disney mugs.  But not just any mugs.....the giant, oversized coffee mugs.  I don't even drink coffee.


Nemo is my favorite.  Filled with hot tea and honey.


If you  have my name for Christmas, I'll take this one, this one, this one, this one, these or these!!!  Just sayin'.

4.  I. Love. Stacking Dolls.  My aunt has a set at her house that has like 12 pieces to it and I'm completely infatuated with it.  I hope she's written it into her will that I get it if something ever happens to her.  So you can imagine my joy when I found these stacking doll measuring cups.


 Each head and bottom is a different measurement.  Are you dying of cuteness???


It makes cooking so much more fun when I get to use these little beauties.  {buy yours here}

5.  Planners.  I think this one strays from a "love" to a downright addiction.  I buy a planner and I'll use it for maybe 4 months and then get tired of it.  So I go buy a new one.  Currently, I'm using a beautiful little $6 clearance special from Target.  It has plenty of room for my stuff going on....and for doodles.  That's my favorite. 


6.  This podcast.


If you're a Disney/Walt Disney World freak like I am, you NEED to be listening to this podcast.  He talks Disney trivia, things to do and see at the parks, best places to stay and eat.  It's the motherload of WDW information.  It helps me pass the time and fill my day with Disney magic. 

7.  Speaking of Disney magic.....I also have a tiny obsession with Disney backgrounds for my iPhone.  Just a few that have been on my phone in the last month-ish. 




It's okay to be jealous.


What little things do you have to make your days a little happier and a little less crappy??

Oct 28, 2013

Vintage Posters? I'm in Love.

Few things make me happier than finding a hidden gem on the Internet.

I was recently reading a copy of "HGTV Magazine" (my newest obsession), and one of the rooms they were featuring had some vintage looking posters framed and hung up around their house. I thought they were cute, but kind of dismissed the thought because, honestly, who has time to search flea markets and antique stores for the "right" vintage poster that matched the feel and decor of their homes??

Until I looked in the fine print at the bottom of the article.  These posters came from a website.  A FREE website.  www.freevintageposters.com I quickly hopped on my iPad typed it in the search bar.  I was immediately in love.  I want them all.  Okay, maybe not all of them, but I want a bunch.


^ This is perfection.  It matches my living room/dining room to a T.  Most definitely downloading it.


^ Vintage Disneyland??  It matches nothing in my house, but I have a feeling I'm going to make it fit somewhere.


^I just think it's fun and I'm envisioning it having a home somewhere in Avery's playroom.


^A vintage poster promoting snail mail?  Heaven.  Can't you picture this in in a home office??  I don't have a home office.....yet.....but I downloaded it anyway.


^Here's the one that's just plain silly.  But I love everything about it.  I love the colors, the styling, the lettering...all of it.  I don't know where this will go, but I will incorporate this into my decor somehow.

Aren't they fun?? I've recently decided on my style of home decor and feel pretty comfortable in how to decorate my home (it'll take years, but I'll eventually get it exactly how I want it) and I'm not afraid to incorporate silly, fun pieces if they actually mean something to me.  In fact, I found this quote on Pinterest this weekend that solidified that thought:


For a long time, I've been worried about picking pieces that looked a certain way.  I thought I needed to pick things straight out of the Target Threshold home decor line to make my house look like something out of a magazine.  But recently, I've been drawn to homes that are a mix of the old and the new.  I admire people that can take old things and look at them a certain way and then make it fit into their home decor.

I've decided I don't want my home to look a certain way....I want it to feel a certain way.  I want it to be homey, warm, inviting.  I've decided that I'm going to be visiting lots more flea markets, yard sales and antique stores to accomplish this.  Follow me on my journey?

Oct 25, 2013

A surprise painting.

I just stayed up wayyyyy past my bedtime, finishing up a painting.

Funny thing is, it wasn't even a painting for an order. 

The receipient doesn't even really know she's getting this painting. 

Let me start at the beginning...

I am Facebook friends with a woman who recently adopted her son from China. She's a good friend of my sister-in-law, so I was familiar with her and her adoption journey. I followed their story about being matched with a little boy from China and read every blog post she wrote when they went to pick him up. 

One day, I was on Pinterest and saw a painting of the Bible verse, John 14:18. My heart told me that I HAD to paint something similar for her and her new son. 

She didn't even know about it. I just hope she likes it!


Oct 24, 2013

Who knew a tree could be so motivating?

One painting.

That's all it took to give myself the kick in the pants that I needed to pick myself up and get back into the swing of things.

I haven't been painting.  I have a ton of orders to get to, but I haven't been painting.  It's not like I've been sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  But motivation has completely left me the last few months.  I've let laundry pile up.  I've neglected cleaning my house.  I've neglected making dinner for my family.  I haven't picked up a paintbrush.

It was so much easier and much more calming to paint when we lived in Bardstown and I had my own office.  I could go into my room, shut the door and paint until my heart's content with absolutely no distractions.  In our new house, I have no office.  The third bedroom is fairly tiny and is being used as Avery's playroom.  So I paint at the kitchen table.  Not comfortable, not secluded, not ideal.  So I haven't been painting.

Not to mention all the drama that life has handed me lately.  Zero motivation to do anything.  And painting was on the very bottom of my "Things I Care About Right Now" list.

Until last night.  I had an order for a friend that needed to be done by this weekend.  So I sat down at my kitchen table and sketched out a tree.

Wow.  That felt good. 

Then I painted it.

Why am I not doing this more often?  This is SUCH a stress reliever. 

Last night, I even ended up cleaning my kitchen, making dinner (grilled cheese and reheated chili, but it's a start!) and doing a single load of laundry.  More than I can say I've done in weeks.

I have the painting bug again.  I have plans tonight, but I can't stop thinking about what I'm going to paint whenever I get home.  I need this.  I need time to myself to do something that I enjoy.  Too many times, I'm letting myself get wrapped up in the drama and misfortunes and chaos of my days that I don't do a single thing that I enjoy.  It's time that changed.  If you've ordered a painting from me, expect it done in the next 2 weeks.  And I deeply apologize for not getting it to you before now.

Thanks, little tree, for changing my entire outlook and attitude and for that much needed kick in the butt.





Oct 22, 2013

Four Letter Word.

I'm so nervous to say this.
But I think a confession is the best thing for everyone involved. 

I think I have a........*whispered voice* a b-r-a-t on my hands.

Ugh. That hurts to even say it. As a momma, I think my baby is the world's most precious human being.  But the last three weeks, that human being has become scarily close to being unbearable to live with. Yesterday, I kid you not, she stood in our kitchen and screamed and cried until she was on the verge of making herself throw up. Why, you ask?   Because I gave her an orange spoon to eat her cereal with....instead of a purple one. Swear.  An. Orange. Spoon. Made her gag and cry for a solid ten minutes. I couldn't make this stuff up, y'all. 

Most evenings are more of the same. Throwing her Minnie Mouse down in the floor because I won't let her watch a third episode of Bubble Guppies. Sticking her lip out farther than I thought was humanly possible because I won't let her have a Popsicle for dinner. And let's talk for a second about bedtime. My almost-27 month old STILL does not sleep consistently through the night. We will go three nights without a single peep from her from 9pm to 7am. Then we'll have an entire week where I'm getting up with her twice a night. Avery used to be the best baby to put down for sleep at night. We had our routine. She'd watch some TV, snuggle with her daddy and I, and then go straight to bed without a complaint. Now? She's decided that she's too big for bedtime and that she should be able to decide when she goes to sleep. Right this very second, I'm listening to my kid scream over the monitor about the very injustice of being in bed since 9:30.  (Update: I went into her room and told her who was boss and that I didn't want to hear another sound. She's sleeping. *Fist thrust into the air for a mommy victory!*)

I'm losing my sanity, people. I'm so tired of repeating myself a million and one times every time I have to tell her something ("Avery, sit down in your chair. Avery, sit down in your booster chair before you fall out. Avery, sit down right now. Avery, I am NOT going to tell you again. Do you want to get in trouble? Sit down in your chair NOW.") I honestly feel like the biggest chunk of my time with my daughter is spent disciplining her. I sit her in time out. I try reasoning with her and telling her that people don't like it when she's a bad girl (Yes, I hear you laughing. No, that crap didn't work.).  I try taking things away, hoping that she'll correct her behavior if she's not getting whatever she wants. I've tried ignoring her (that makes her cry louder...it's really terrible for everyone involved). Honestly, I'm sick and daggone tired of being the bad cop. Really, who decided that the mom is the one that has to lay down the rules and then enforce them while the daddy gets to swoop in and save the day and be the plaything?  Was it Eve? Because really, Eve. Thanks so much for childbirth. Don't we have more than enough bones to pick with you already? 

Everyone tells me that this behavior is normal. That she'll grow out of it. That three is worse than two and then she'll grow out of it (Dear Lord, if that's the case, just go ahead and bury me now because I will not live through another year of this). There has to be a way that I can nip this in the bud. I don't want a bratty child. I don't want to be *that* mom in every store who is mortified every time she makes the decision to bring her kid in public. I don't want other people to dislike being around Avery because she's too much of a brat.  I want to be a strict mom that has a child that realizes that she's not going to take any crap, but at the same time, can be fun to be around.  I want to get to be the good cop sometimes. Am I being too Pollyanna-ish?  Help. Me.  Really. I'm on the verge of chewing Prozac like candy. 


Oct 15, 2013

It was real.

On the 13th of October, one week ago today, I officially had a miscarriage. It's a very long and emotionally-taxing story, but it involved the emergency room, lots and lots of blood loss, passing out, staying overnight at the hospital, having low blood pressure, coming scarily close to needing a blood transfusion, getting a D&C and finally getting released and spending the entire week at home recooperating and trying to get my body back to normal (it's still not). I could finally say that the chapter of my miscarriage was being closed...or so I thought it was supposed to work. My heart hasn't exactly agreed. I thought I was at a place that I felt okay with finally having a miscarriage. A week and a half ago, when my body started showing the tell-tale signs that I was miscarrying, I thought that it was a step in the right direction after being diagnosed with a blighted ovum to be able to move on. Let's be honest though, as a mother, how can you just "move on?"  I can't.

I thought the most logical thing for me to do would be to make a painting to help me heal. So I started looking up ideas on Pinterest and Etsy. That's when I started to feel really guilty. Every painting or piece of remembrance jewelry I came across represented the hurt of a woman that lost an actual baby. Quotes about carrying a baby in their womb, but now in their heart. Or about how their baby was now with Jesus. How could I say the same? I technically never had a baby. I had a fertilized egg that never developed into a fetus. How could I say that my pain was the same as what these women were going through? They had experienced true miscarriages or still births. What right did I have to mourn the loss of my pregnancy--my baby that actually never was? 

I actually went on like this for several days. Feeling guilty for feeling so much pain and grief. Until I realized that my loss was just the same.  I saw this quote on Pinterest that changed my outlook: "There is no greater agony than carrying an untold story inside of you." As my sister, who is so wise beyond her years, very appropriately put--it was a baby to me.  I may not have carried an actual baby. Instead, I carried hope. I carried around the thought for an entire month that I was going to be a mother again. I carried the thought that I was making Avery a sibling. I carried the thought that this could be the grandson my dad had been waiting for. With my diagnosis and miscarriage, all of that was taken away from me--leaving me with an untold story. No, I didn't lose an actual baby. I lost a dream, the thought of another child, the idea that I would have an infant, or even twins, come April. It still hurts when someone announces that they're pregnant. It still hurts when a well-meaning stranger asks Marty and I when we're going to make Avery a big sister. It still hurts---so indescribably bad--to look down at my stomach and know that a month ago, I was pregnant. Now I'm not. Now I'm empty--literally, physically and most importantly, emotionally.  I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how much this hurts. Or how much it's affected the way I look at everyday things--commercials, conversations about pregnancy or having other children.  I'm terrified to think about getting pregnant again. I'm terrified this might happen again. I honestly don't think that my heart can take it. I'm scared to even think about our "timeline" of having children now. I think (or at least I hope) its a natural feeling, for me to feel the need to get pregnant again soon...to "replace" this pain and this failed pregnancy. But Marty's on a different page. And I honestly feel like I need the time to heal before I even attempt to go through this again. So I've decided. This miscarriage--baby or not--has completely changed my life.  And I think have every right to feel that pain and loss. October 13, 2013 will not be a day I'll soon forget--and I won't feel guilty about it either. 





Update: I have decided that I'm going to paint something. I really think it'll help me come to terms with everything. Painting always makes me feel better, no matter what the problem may be. Help me decide on a sketch? I'm thinking this will end up being on a fairly small canvas that I can lean up on my bedside table or somewhere similar. 


This quote just tugs at my heart strings. It's from the book, "The Velveteen Rabbit" and it kind of perfectly describes how I feel. Despite medical terms, this pregnancy was very real to me. 


This is my most favorite Bible verse. I have to repeat it to myself often. I also like the symbolism of the balloon. I feel like a piece of my heart has left me. 

I'm also open to suggestions. To quotes, to Bible verses, to designs. I want this to be not only symbolic, but to be a healing piece for me. I don't want to look at it and be depressed. I want to look at it and be reminded that I won't ever be the same, but I will eventually be okay. Help me?




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